Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
