It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
