And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
