dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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