She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
