Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
