This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize