honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize