Pregnant stripper...not hot.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
