peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
