theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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