I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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