What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he thought i was a dude.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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