A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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