Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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