I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
