I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My penis needs a shock collar
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
