it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
