my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
