It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
