It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
