Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
