Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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