i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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