Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my mouth tastes like poor choices
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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