Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
