Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
