My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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