bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
