I'm so fucking centered right now
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
