I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize