On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
