Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
