alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
