I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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