And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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