I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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