she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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