and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
