also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
