East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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