meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
