just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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