hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
