Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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