if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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