you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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