he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
