why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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