Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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