I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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