He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
