there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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