Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
