u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
