lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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