I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize