So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
