I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
