I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
