I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
