Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
