The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
