I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
