i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
