I could make wine with my vomit
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
