one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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