last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
