The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Randomize
