Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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