ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
where are my eyebrows?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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