After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
