i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
